The Catch-22 of end times

Catch-22 is a military rule typifying bureaucratic operation & reasoning. Metaphorically, it represents a paradoxical situation whereby due to contradictory limitations, an individual cannot escape.

On both the personal & collective levels, this is the energetic theme of the season. Don’t be fooled to assume that “spiritual” or “successful” individuals, those who seemingly have a pretty good grip on life are above this. 

This is the ESSENCE of our humanness. 

Imperfect perfection, continuously evolving in accordance with divine timing and for the highest good of all.  

The only way out is through. 

And boy let me tell you what a beautiful, painful weekend it has been. 

When trajectories are left open (jobs half done, possibilities left undecided), it adds both pressure & stagnation, which increase the discomfort of being stuck in limbo… the eventual crossroads of choice points in time. 

Everything is made of photons, particles of light. And those particles of light have the ability to occupy the same space at the same time before diverging onto different paths, creating different realities. 

They are initiated by chaos, periods of reorganization filled with all kinds of experiences & epiphanies from which we eventually gain clarity. 

In those most difficult moments, there are an infinite number of paths covering simultaneously. And the confluence of choice points is where we get off one timeline and get onto a different one. 

Quantum Physics shows us that the greater the perceived chaos at each choice point, the greater the leap between roads AND the greater capacity there is for ensuing growth.

These concepts are fascinating. However, sharing models & theories without opening my heart to add a personal layer of experience… well, let’s just say it would, once again, be a job half done.

As we progress through our spiritual development, the importance of inner child work couldn’t be understated. Integrating our traumas & shadow is an ongoing process that I’ve been steadily hacking away at. But it also remained an unclosed trajectory. 

Feeling stuck in an echo chamber growing exponentially louder, it has brought every awareness to the need for me to finish inner child work and clear my ancestral lineage and bloodline once and for all. 

Putting a stop to the intergenerational trauma that all of us experience as it passed down over hundreds of years simply cannot be avoided. 

The most excruciating part of this was the confusion. 

Confusion because as we start to heal & grow our souls we develop an awareness of the traumas that exist and have been passed down over time. We see the impact it has had on our lives, our sense of self-worth & being loveable. 

The toxic patterns, friendships & relationships we attract. 

And as a mother, I was paralyzed in fear of accidentally carrying this forward for my daughter. Knowing that my wounds were still open & becoming hyper-aware to the fact that it took me 28 years to find peace and unconditional self-love. 

Yet I was still falling victim to my own internal narrative - the inner critic & the triggers that were not rational yet still impacting my emotional state of mind. I was so, SO scared that I would do something to her that has been done to me. I was afraid of breaking her little heart instead of being her protector. 

And at four years old, she has so much wisdom and is my greatest teacher. Because we’re a team. And what I feel she feels & experience - just not in the way my fearful mind had imagined it. 

Brooklyn has been dealing with bullying at daycare - well, one bully & one hot/cold type of friendship. I’ve been trying to get her interested in meditation & what we call “Jedi-mind tricks” at home. To help teach her how to build an energetic house (auric shield) and effectively deal with life’s challenges with mindful curiosity. 

One night I explained to her that sometimes people do/say things that they don’t always mean because it’s easier to project their pain & insecurities onto others around them. My intention was so that she would understand that while this is not acceptable behavior she should ever tolerate, she would know that it’s not “personal”. But there was one small mistake.

If you know Brooklyn and me, you’ll know that we are two of the biggest goofballs together. And there’s nothing we love more than being wild 

wresting, having kung fu battles & pulling pranks on each other. 

There are a few “no-no’s” that I’ve talked to Brooklyn about that trigger flashbacks for me and subsequent distress. She’s aware & when we pass the threshold of good fun she is very responsive when I remind her of these. 

This weekend the reminders didn’t seem to work as usual & I felt there was an added aggressiveness in the energy. Suppressed anger from her encounters at daycare. And likely amplified by my own internal dilemmas that I kept to myself. 

Before we knew it, she clocked me in the nose by accident and immediately began bawling her eyes out with a really painful cry that I’ve never heard before. I really really deep despair in her cry. 

Feeling confused, because it happened so quickly (it hurt but I didn’t even have a chance to react), I held her and asked what’s going on. 

She was crippled in fear from my lesson - how sometimes people hurt other people because of their own pain. She understood that her bully might be acting out for this reason, but also took on the weight of feeling afraid she’ll inevitably do this to someone else next. 

God, how I bawled and bawled my eyes out. 

In this moment it was clear: we were experiencing parallel versions of the same exact thing. The tipping point of not being able to tolerate it for another second. 

For lack of a better expression, it’s usually when we become so fed up with our own shit that we have no choice but to change. And the time is now.